Feb 032013

Embroidery and graphite on fabric by Ana Teresa Barboza

I want to be guided by older-ups. I want babies to be born where old people die. I want to be sandwiched in the middle of a messy togetherness. I want to be warned before I do something stupid. I want to be forgiven when I do it anyway. I want wisdoms to be tapped out on my eardrums and not Googled. I want transitions to be recognized by fire. I want gifts to be educed from children. And teenagers and adults and I want to mean something to my community. I want to get drunk on substance morning and night. I want to hear your dreams. I want to raise a revolution for gentleness. I want to call out the bullshit on consensus reality. I want to get rich so I can billboard the highways with validations.

I don’t want to be another faker. I don’t want to show you my good side and hide my humanity. I don’t want to dole you out my Self in digestible status-chunks. I want to challenge you in long, drawn-out rituals and still find you interested. I want to feed you seventeen course meals made with spices I crushed. I want to recite you circular poems, each beginning cutting a deeper grasp. I want to make you feel something, even if it’s awkward. I want to sing you songs which are ancient and new. I want to carve stories in trees with tools my elders fashioned. I want to keep sharpening them. I want to find places we’ve never been. And then, I want to return there, but backwards.

I want to shuffle up words so we don’t sleep through them. I want to learn things and then be splashed into never forgetting. I want to make you feel seen. I want to hold your pounding heart in my gentlest of hands. I want to make your thing feel like my thing. I don’t want to miss a moment. I want to dig at the bottom and find it false. I want to turn up unknown depths. I want to stand in this hurricane and sing the sweetest, most naked song you can bear. I want to be alive with you.

2013 © Toko-pa Turner Click here to receive Toko-pa’s free newsletter.

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A writer, artist and tender of dreams, Toko-pa has been interviewed by CNN News & BBC Radio and her writing has appeared in publications around the world. Thanks to Skype, she works with dreamers internationally in her Private Dreamwork practice, based on Salt Spring Island in Canada. You can find Toko-pa on Facebook or sign up for her mailing list to receive news about upcoming events.

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  34 Responses to “I Want to be Alive with You”

  1. I think of my Friend SahRah who is recently on a journey in South Africa visiting and learning about the Sacred White Lions. She visualize her being eaten by the White lion as she surrenders to deeper truths…

  2. This post and fabulous picture is raw and real. A very dear person has died to her family and friends today, and, surprisingly, this post makes me feel better. Life is as messy as it is beautiful. xxoo

  3. Love this – living life head on and on life’s terms.

  4. Wow! If all talk was so real…

  5. I want to lick your face with my eyeballs everyday. I want to dance in the rain like wild unicorns with you. I want to cross the rainbow bridge into heaven and launch full on as descended Masters into this fiery earth. With you. Can we hold hands?

  6. undone by the possibilities
    your words birth………..

    billboards of validation
    my thing like your thing
    long drawn out rituals that still find me
    present and waiting for more

    so beautifully resonant
    thank you

  7. Thanks for writing this, you are a free spirit !

  8. “I want wisdoms to be tapped out on my eardrums and not Googled.”

    Oh, thank you for this. Just what I needed to read today.

  9. Beautiful writing!

  10. So so deeply felt & beautiful!

  11. Just so perfect! Thank you.

  12. Wowhh! You are a brilliant being. I can’t stop myself from telling you about the synchronicities and overlapping that I feel when I read this. Thank you <3

  13. Wow this speaks volumes to me right now as I seem to find the healthy masculine and feminine and thus Divine in the world right now. I want all this as well!

  14. Thanks again. See linked image.

  15. Gorgeous, thank you!

  16. Sooooo, unbelievably beautiful and touching. It feels like you reach way in and say there is that the spot that needs loving and healing and the answer is always yes.

  17. Your eloquence reaches down into the heart of my heart. Thank you Toko-Pa.

  18. this is amazing thank you so much

  19. Thrilling into every fiber of my being. Thank you…

  20. Brilliant, beautiful, real, raw, truth!

  21. I am so very grateful to find so many people loving this as much as I do <3 May we all find a place to live it!

  22. Amen! Toko’s love sonnet to the unniverse!

  23. This moves me in so many ways. I have been longing for writing like this. So many words are are just there to cover up that which is real, because it’s too scary and vulnerable to share it. But these words, oh my, they feel so real! They make me feel seen and understood and not lonely at all. This is why i love language. When used bravely, like this, words can tear down all the walls we humans have built between us, and connect us in profound ways. Thank you Toko-pa!

  24. This reminds me of The Invitation- by Oriah…. Beautiful raw and deep rooted thoughts xoxo

  25. Thank you Toko-pa for connecting so deeply and opening yourself to share from the very core of your being. The light of your words reaches out, touches inside, and gently guides.
    May we all live life with such open heartededness!

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